All That Is Grand
by RandomDustBunnyzAngel
Summary: is grand and all that is not SUCKS. This is not grand. A sure stupid parody type thing -that is only a parody because it fits into no other category- for chap 530. Don't like bad jokes? Don't read.


**I feel sooooo freakin' bad for the people in Australia, they banned Mortal Combat there man! BANNED IT! And just in time for the new demo to come out for Playstation networks. which comes out on March 15th. March 8th if you have that Gold membership thing (I'm a cheap bitch, you probably didn't know that.)**

**Warnings: Foul language, bad jokes, bad writing, the usual...Oh and a broken computer screen if my damn cursor doesn't quit pulling up my desktop background! X(**

**Thankies: Yuti-chan, Queenoffanficworldlovegunner, and Princess Zathura.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Masashi Kishimoto does.**

**PS: for some reason I seem to spell Choji's name with a U in someplaces and without it in others...It doesn't matter but it's just a heads up.**

**000**

Come to Pinhead island, where the skies are clear. Take a dip in the Zetsu infested water that disappears and reappears spontaneously without warning, sit back and relax as you enjoy the soothing sounds of waves and screams for help..

And don't worry we have something for the kiddies too.

Vlad's resort offers a wide variety of possible death traps as well as the brand new Chouji Bar and Grill, watch him run and scream as he's burned alive (Offers not valid in Canada or France)

"I'm on FIRE!," Choji screamed, waving his arms in the air (Like he did not care), flinging fire and burning embers towards his comrades.

"Choji stop!," Ino yelled, shielding her face with her hands.

"But I'm on fire," The flames fully engulfed the chubby (err) mans form and spiraled upwards into the air.

"You're standing on water stupid!," The Yamanaka glared. The scorn of a bitch in a wedding dress couldn't have compared to her intense gaze. Yes it is that scary.

Chouji blinked,"Oh yeah," he released the chakra on his feet and fell through the surface, dousing the fire and making a few disabled ninja who had managed to crawl off of the battlefield to cover, look his way when they noticed the steam rising from the abyss.

"That was something else, he usually isn't that slow," Shikamaru muttered, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Please he has just enough sense to hate The Princess Diaries," You don't need many brain cells to know that book's shit.

The Nara let his eyes wander over to the Stitched ninja on the beach, "And now we turn our attention to the bad guy of this chapter," Like any good Shonen plot device, we turn to see Kakuzu.

Ino shifted into a defensive stance ,"The one with five hearts,"

"Five now anyway," The miser said .Placing the heart he had just ripped from a stock ninja into his open, chest pouch.

I'm sure a few fans have wondered how Kakuzu implants his hearts, but all bets are on them not expecting that.

"Hn?," he grunted bemusedly pulling out his hand which clasped a golden... watch? How in the name of Shinobi God did _THAT_ get inside there?

"Hmmm," Kakuzu hummed, his mind wandering back to a time long, long, LOOOOOOOONG ago, before they captured the Nibi.

_"Oi, Kakuzu," The silver haired Jashinist Hidan called to his partner, as he walked into their camp._

_"Hn," That is stoic Bishi for 'What is it idiot?,' sadly Hidan only speaks Pirate and Baby faced bishi so he didn't catch the insult, though he did feel it in the depth of his gut._

_"Here," The rogue nin tossed something to Kakuzu, who raised an eyebrow as it flew over in slow-motion, its shiny surface glinting in the sun._

_The miser examined the object when it finally landed,"Where the hell did you get this?,"_

_"That Goatee guy was wearing it when I stabbed him," Hidan said simply, "Figured you would've pissed yourself if I'd'a left it," _

_"Hm," _

_End flashback_

So you just stuck it in your chest.

"yup," Kakuzu shrugged, though he inwardly wondered how the watch ended up in his new body since it had gone flying when Kakashi rikiri'd him in the heart.

What are pockets too good for you?

"Look at these pants," he motioned to his lower half, "Do you see any pockets,"

"No," All the ninja chorused.

"Exactly. Now, Nara, Akimichi, Girl who looks too much like Deidara for my tastes," Ino scowled at the miser,"It's time to rumble!," The masks on Kakuzu's back grew their own bodies of those black tentacle things and surrounded him, ready for the fight to begin.

"Wait!," Shikamaru suddenly called.

"AH what?~!," The Waterfall ninja growled.

"Chouji," The Nara jabbed a thumb over his shoulder towards his teammate, who was struggling to get back on the water.

Slowly Chouji finally succeeded, his body charred, his clothes and armor black, his breath wheezy and whistley,"Uuugh, my thighs are burning," the plump teen breathed.

Well they were on fire.

"You think you've defeated the Silver and Gold of this battle of minerals?~! Don't make me laugh," Kakuzu followed this up by laughing at the young leaf ninja, this is a game for the irony meter,"We have Dan Katou, the love of Princess Tsunade's life," Metaphorical princess or literal? "And, wait for the epic reveal,"

We zoom over to the back of Asum-oh no wait we have to wait for his team to tell us who he is, so Shhhh.

"Wait, Wait, Almost," Finally Asuma turned just enough for us to his face, "There we go,"

"Asuma Sensei!," His former team gasped in surprised.

"Yeah, even I thought that was cheap but, what can you do?," Kakuzu shrugged.

While that was happening, on the other side of the beach, you know, across the line in the sand there was a bit of a problem with the Antagonist.

"Chouza is the Violate flame technique ready yet?~!," Dan yelled at the giant man,"You have to hurry and seal me inside before it's too late!,"

"I'm working on it!," The Akimichi said, "What can you really do to me anyway?," he thought aloud. Really what COULD Dan do? He's comparatively the size of an ant.

"Well from this angle, If i get a good running start, I can shoot a technique up your skirt,"

That wasn't the problem we were having, actually that sounded particularly evil.

"Ouch," Chouza winced at the mental image.

After that little episode we head back over to Shikamaru, the gang and Kakuzu. Nothing changed, our protagonist's were still gaping at their undead sensei and Kakuzu was still doing whatever Kakuzu's do when there's no money or Hidan's around.

That was until Kotetsu and Izumo, yes the GATE guards who have never done anything of relevance, jumped from the cliff face above the Miser and wrapped a long wire attached to the butt of two oversize Kunai around him.

Not surprisingly our Akatsuki member just blankly stared, his face pulled into a bored expression.

"You may have kicked our asses last time we met," Izumo started.

"But this time you're the one getting Tickle-Me Elmo'd," Kotetsu finnished as he and his partner pulled the wires taunt.

Not like it did anything since kakuzu's insides are hearts and thos black tentical-wire thingies that make his skin twitch awkwardly.

Ino stepped to the side a bit,"Izumo! Kotetsu!,"

"Sempai!," Shikamaru shouted.

"Guys get off your asses and come help us seal him," The brown haired Guard Ninja ordered.

''_No_ _Shikamaru is going to take of Asuma,'' _Shikaku's voice made him press his lips into a fine line.

Would it really be that much of a chore for Shika to seal Kakuzu then go make Asuma happy? (That sounded gross).

"You know that's the reason most of the fans like the Antagonist better," Izumo stated.

down below Chouji was far from happy in fact he was upset, Oh ho THAT is a major no no in the ninja world, you can't just Feel for people you have to be a dick to everyone you don't know. Pft, Sympathy is for losers.

Somehow noticing the chubby teens emotion de-stress, The Elder Nara began to speak,'_Now is-,'_

"Now is not the time to get emotional Chouji," Shikamaru mentally ticked at his father,"There I took care of it for you now shut up and leave us alone," he demanded.

"_Hey I'm your dad, your pal, your com-padre, I give you pep talks!,"_

This brought Shikamaru back to a time we've never seen and therefore don't give a crap about because it's not only irrelevant but corny and de-motivating too.

_The scene was simple, Just Shikaku leaned up against and building with his son standing in front of him with his hands in his pockets._

_"You're a coward,"_

Wow somebody give him the medal for 'father of the year' with that encouraging pep talk who wouldn't want to risk their lives for a crap village full of ants? (Rome wasn't built in a day, but it would've been if they had gotten Konoha to build it)

"Shikamaru!-," Chouji shot his friend a frantic look.

"I'm going," The teenager said in a serious tone.

"But-,"

"Look around you Chouji!,"

Chouji shrunk back and looked at the carnage, people running screaming from a dirt cloud, covered in blood. Cause Dirt is sharp everyone knows that.

Oh yes the Goo's of the Zetsu's are a ringing in his head, man they better hope he doesn't get PTSD it would be hell to flashback to this racket, Like a million clown squeekers in a sneaker.

Ino smiled at her teamates and patted their backs.

"..." The two boys began to walk forward, Well Shikamaru did, Chouji's movement was more from Ino's hands hitting a burn on his back.

"We could always go back," he said.

"No," Ino and Shikamaru said together.

"Sure we-,"

"No Chouji,"

chouji whimpered,"Okay let's go,"

**While they do that let's go to the forest!**

Which forest you ask? Well whichever one Kimimaro, Kankuro, the ever so icky Chiyo Zombji and the rest of them are flying through. That is very vague I know.

Chiyo scowled,"Whoever did this is going to pay!," With a bang boom right to the kisser, "That's right girlfriend,"

The salamander of the Hidden rain (He's all good now) stopped on a tree limb in front of the group of zombji's, glaring at the elder with malice even no digestion Kyuubi could taste,"Okay, that's it," he looked the little woman in the eye,"Listen you hag, you're OLD you can't use Teenage logic or words, it's just embarrassing," he said with a growl.

Chiyo flicked her bang over her shoulder, only to have it fly back into place like rubber,"Don't hate me cause I'm cool,"

"The Akatsuki are cool! Kakashi is cool! Orochimaru is cool if not a little creepy," So true,"You my little ameba are not," Hanzo poked Chiyo in the shoulder.

The suna elder huffed and swiped his hand away,"Ah just summon your mutant salamander already,"

"Fair enough," Salamander man raised his hand in defeat.

before Chiyo or any of the others could even blink Hanzo was enveloped in a cloud, When it drifted up into the sky and floated away we were left face to face with!...That's not a salamander, that's a lemon headed, big mouthed lizard with no eyes.

The creature opened its mouth and out floated a purple poison gas hit the on coming Joint unit right in the face making them fall to the ground and cover their noses (Not in that order).

Kankuro kicked himself around in a circle on the forest floor,"My God! Why does everyone go for the cheap shots?~!," he yelled, his voice muffled by his hands.

"I be a ninja! Not a pirate, not a marine, a Ninja, therefore I have Cheaters Immunity," It's shit but a real rule none the less. yeah Konoha, it isn't so nice when the unwritten rules of the universe come to kick YOUR tails now is it.

And just as Hanzo jumped forward (Not really sure what he's going to do since he isn't holding a weapon) a certain someone jumped in front of him.

"Friends, family countrymen," The old guy in cheap cosplay exclaimed loudly. no he didn't have a reason to say that, he just figured it would make a good gimmick or at the very least a corny clique.

Dun dun dun! it's that guy who's name I can't remember

"I'm out of the shower, and ready to kick ass," Mifune smirked.

...That's it? Oh well okay, shit I was expecting more than this to be honest...*whistle* bye.

**end**

**This past week was Spread the word to end the word, lots of famous people got involved, I honestly thought it was going to be about more than just campaigning against the use of the word ''Retarded''. And tomorrow is the final day of Mardi Gras. Oh happy days.**


End file.
